All Akatsuki Go to Heaven
by Crimson Eyed Sakura
Summary: A multi-chaptered ficlet about what was going on when the Akatsuki members died. Deidara's will be redone when I get to his death. First up is now Sasori. Rating changed to M for Hidan's mouth.
1. Sasori

**All Akatsuki Go To Heaven**

**Chapter One**

**Sasori**

* * *

Akasuna no Sasori. The best damn puppet master in the entire shinobi world, according to the Bingo Book. Now, he was fighting his grandmother and a hot little kunoichi with _pink_ hair. Not only that, he was _losing_. No matter what he threw at them, they demolished it. Sakura's strength and Chiyo's puppet mastery were more than he had estimated. Twenty minutes went by. He was ashamed to have had to pull out his most advanced technique. The Red Secret Technique: Performance of a Hundred Puppets had conquered an entire nation and yet, against these two deceptively strong kunoichi, they weren't enough. And then, the little pink haired girl hurled his grandmother's special sealing puppet-head at him. Thankfully, he was able to jettison his "heart" out of his chest and into another puppet's.

Rushing at Chiyo from behind, he didn't expect the other kunoichi to get there first. ...In all honesty, he didn't even notice her until his blade had pierced her stomach. He had been too focused on his grandmother, and was thankful that his blade had hit a vital spot instead of a random fleshy area. He was very surprised by the little kunoichi's strength, both physically and mentally. She barely flinched as the sword went deeper and deeper into her body, even told him to push it in farther (which really could've been taken the wrong way, had he the inclination to think in such a way. Deidara would've had a field day with that comment).

He saw Chiyo start to spring her trap. He could've moved...but what purpose would it've served? His puppets were all destroyed; it would take _years_ to remake them. His own body had been abused to the point of breaking. So, instead of dodging the the side, he let the puppets he had made as a child – the puppets who carried the faces of his dead parents – drive their blades into his "heart" and trap him in Chiyo's seal. He was astonished at Chiyo's revival jutsu. He felt real regret then, at the fact that he could've become human again. Yes, life as a puppet was art personified...but it got terribly dull after a while. Never again tasting or even needing food. Never feeling the touch of a friend or lover. Never actually _feeling_ the emotions he was portraying. Nodding to himself he thought, _"Yes, if I had known, I would've become human once again."_

"_Deidara. Poor kid. Now he'll be all alone once again. No more midnight art arguments; no more weekly sparring; no more having to paint his damn nails. For being an artist, the kid couldn't paint his own nails for shit. Made a mess every time. Oh, well. Guess he'll have to learn now. And I don't have to deal with Kisame treating me like kid anymore. That's good, I guess. Hm...I wonder if I'll get to see my parents again...? Guess it's time to find out."_

And so Sasori gave Sakura the information about his spy working under Orochimaru, not knowing that his jutsu had already been dispelled and he had been betrayed. He released a last unneeded breath...and closed his eyes. A few seconds went by. He opened his eyes and saw the same area he had just been in. _"What the hell?" _he thought.

He watched from above his body as Sakura and his grandmother walked away. Now, his heart panged with the regret of deserting her, of trying to kill her. He thought about Deidara and felt the love and affection he would've felt had he not been a puppet. His looked down at his "body" and saw, instead of wooden skin and his so-called heart, his real body. A burning started up in his eyes, and a lump formed in his throat. It had been over twenty years since he had felt his own fingertips touching his skin. Even though he was now dead, he felt like he had been given a great gift.

From a distance, he heard his name being called. "Sasori! Where are you?"

"...M..Mom?"

"Sasori. Didn't you hear your mother? Answer us!"

"Dad!" He took off running to where he heard his parents' voices. He ran around a bend and there they were. His mother, with her dark hair and beautiful eyes; his father, with his red hair and his arms wide open. Tears formed in his eyes again as he ran to the parents he had seen since his childhood. They threw their arms around him and held him close.

"Sasori! It wasn't nice of you to hide from us. You had me so worried!" his mother exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Momma. I won't do it again."

Sasori's dad smiled down at his son. "You've gotten so big, Sasori. We've missed you so much."

As the three faded away, Sasori smiled and hugged his parents again, happy beyond belief.

_  
"Thank you, Grandma Chiyo."

* * *

_

**So....I was watching the Japanese version of these episodes...and I so cried. I love Sasori. lol. And you can make what you want of the Deidara-Sasori thoughts. Brotherly love or more, I don't really know which I was going for. As I get to the other Akatuski deaths, I'll write more on these. Sorry if they don't match up exactly with the English version...I'm watching the subbed Japanese version. [And I'm learning some Japanese, too! lol]**

**Reviews would be lovely, flames will be ignored. **

**\C/\E/\S/**


	2. HidanKakuzu

**All Akatsuki Go To Heaven**

**Chapter Two/Three**

**Hidan/Kakuzu**

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.

Brief note: I know that Hidan technically didn't die, since he's immortal and all, but he _was_ the next Akatsuki member to be defeated.

Also, since his is rather short, I'll add Kakuzu's in the same chapter.

* * *

Hidan was not a happy Jashinist. That pineapple-haired freak, the little shit, had defeated him and brought down shame and Jashin's disapproval onto the violet-eyed man. At least he had been able to sacrifice one of the damnable Konoha shinobi to Jashin.

Maybe his god would take pity on him.

Then again, Hidan doubted it. As much as he bitched about having to do the rituals, Jashin probably wasn't very happy with Hidan. _"Should have taken it more seriously, maybe." _

But he hadn't and now, here he was. Dismembered and stuffed down this hole, where he could _feel_ the stares of those freaky deer. If he could have, Hidan would have shivered from the revulsion.

For an eternity, Hidan lay in that hole. One day, years later, light began to filter through the dirt. At first, Hidan thought his Jashin-sama had come to take him to his eternal rest, but he quickly dismissed that idea.

Jashin did not sound like a fifteen year old girl. Hidan muttered to himself (as he was prone to do now) about brats interrupting his peace and quiet. Though, deep down, he welcomed the sound of someone other than himself.

A short shriek was heard as Hidan felt a hand grasp his ankle. "Oi, dumbass! I'm over here. You better not be that motherfucking pineapple-haired brat's kid! I'll kill you if you are!"

A hand grasped his hair and lifted his head above the dirt. Looking into the dark crimson eyes of the young girl, he sneered. Sneering back, she said, "Iie, not quite."

Jumping up and out of the deep pit, she positioned his head on a rock before taking a seat a few feet away. Propping her head on her hand and her elbow on her knee, she studied the violet-eyed head.

"What the fuck are you staring at, bitch? Never seen an immortal's head before? Stop fucking staring at me!" he yelled when he got no other reaction from her. Finally, he poked his bottom lip out and turned away – as best he could, anyways. More so it was looking away. This only added to his ire.

A sigh from the girl brought his baleful eye back to her. "So. You're the one who killed my dad."

"He must have been weak to be beaten by a moron like you. But mom and Uncle Shika always talk about how strong he was. How troublesome."

"You must be talking about that Jounin I sacrificed just before I got blown to _fucking bits_ and trapped in that goddamned hole. Yeah he was weak compared to me. I've been blessed by the almighty Jashin-sama, and he shall reign terror and violence on you and your family for the great disservice you have shown me!"

The girl sweatdropped. "Talk about insanity. I don't think the hole improved that much. Uncle Shika was right." Her eyes widened. "Oh, no! I was supposed to meet him for shogi!"

She grabbed the still-talking head and dropped back into the pit. "Ja ne!" she called as she made a short series of hand seals. Dirt began to pour back over Hidan.

"Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going? Hey!"

Two weeks later, the girl was back. Head propped back on the same rock, he studied the strange girl. Dark wavy hair held back by the standard Konoha hitai-ate, dressed in an outfit that was a strange combination of bandages and dark blue cloth, and that damned Guardian cloth wrapped around her neck like a scarf. Interestingly, she had a scythe attached to her back.

"I've been doing research." A sandal covered toe nudged a rock as she said this.

"That's fucking wonderful. As if I fucking care. Dumb little bitch."

The rock hit Hidan in the nose. "Oi, what the fuck?!"

"I think I found a way to kill you. Like, really kill you," she said solemnly. _This_ got Hidan's attention.

"Are you serious? You can't kill me. I'm _immortal_. Cannot die. Duh." He rolled his eyes. Honestly. Nobody understood that term!

Calmly, she stood and jumped into the hole. Piece by piece, she brought his body up and laid it out on the ground, until finally she placed his head onto his neck. Hidan could feel the parts coming together slowly. He began to laugh as his finger twitched.

"You've messed up now, you little cunt! Once my body pieces together, you're as good as fucking done for!"

The girl stood over his head. She made a series of hand seals that Hidan didn't recognize before slamming her hand down onto his head. "Body Reanimation Jutsu!"

Before the shock of being fully whole could hit him, her hand once again landed on his head. "Fuinjutsu: Konshin Betsuri no Jutsu!"

Hidan screamed as his soul was sucked into the sutra on his head. In moments, it was over.

Sighing heavily, the teenager picked up the sutra and wrapped it gingerly around the handle of her scythe. As her hand left the scythe, a transparent figure appeared beside her.

"What the fuck was that?" the ghostly Hidan asked angrily.

The girl began to shove the now-empty shell of Hidan's body toward the hole. When the heavy thing was back in the pit that had been his prison for over fifteen years, she made the hand seals she had first used to fill it back in with dirt.

Finally, she stood and dusted her hands off before turning to look at him. "I sealed your soul into this sutra," she said, tapping the handle of her scythe.

"Well fuck me. I didn't know that was possible. Hey, kid. You never told me your name," Hidan mused as he fell into step with her as she walked away from the site.

"Asuka. Asuka Sarutobi-Yuuhi."

_Asuka Sarutobi-Yuuhi became as feared for her ability with a scythe as the legendary Akatsuki member Hidan. She quickly rose through the ranks and became a high-level Bingo Book entry, as well as the taicho of one of the leading ANBU squads._

_She and Hidan became friends over the years of his entrapment in the sutra. When she died, his soul faded from the sutra. _

_And so, Hidan of the Akatsuki finally was at rest. _

* * *

"_Well shit."_

Kakuzu's last thoughts were not particularly nice ones. Mostly about his moron partner. Part of him hoped Hidan had gotten the better of the that gaki he was fighting, but his logical side denied him that. The resilience of these Konoha nin was ridiculous.

After that thought, there was only pain.

Countless needles pierced his skin, tearing his chakra paths to shreds. While his body was left intact, his insides felt like they had been put through a grinder. Kakuzu couldn't even move for the pain and the power of the attack.

That brat. He should have listened to Deidara, though the blonde had been warning Hidan at the time. The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki was indeed something to beware.

As the last of the blinding needles of chakra faded from his body, Kakuzu felt himself falling.

He hit the ground hard, bouncing a bit at the impact before coming to a stop. He lay there listening to the Konoha shinobi fussing over the boy. And then Kakashi was before him. The second Chidori to the heart didn't hurt quite as bad as the first one. Maybe because all the could feel was the allover pain from the Jinchuuriki's jutsu. Oh, well.

At least the battle was interesting. Kakuzu closed his eyes as his last breath left his body.

When he opened his eyes, he was laying in a soft bed. Looking around, he saw the family he had once had, before the First Shinobi War. Before his village spurned him for his inability to defeat the Shodai Hokage. His little sister, his mother and father and old grandmother. Looking down, he saw arms unblemished by the threads that had been part of him for most of his life.

He looked around with awe and smiled.

This was...nice.

* * *

I know Hidan's was really long. It kinda got away from me. But I liked it. :P


End file.
